Chaotic routine
How about routine? Do you have one? Do you follow it?
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I have bipolar disorder. That means that routine has to be a part of my life. Has to. Without it, even on medication, I can feel manic or sometimes depressed. I need to go to bed at the same time, get up at the same time, take my meds at the same time. It should include eating good foods and getting regular exercise. But let's be real - that rarely happens.
What really happens is one night I'll go to bed at 8, another at 12. One morning I'll get up at 7, another 830, another noon. I never ate right, rarely exercised, I take a LOT of naps. Like, whenever I can.
I'm working to change that. To add healthy foods, to include exercise into my schedule. The sleep, well that is constantly up in the air with a boyfriend who works opposite my schedule, especially if we want to spend time together. The rest is simple. Well, should be simple.
My routine is chaos. No, that doesn't make sense. You can't have a routine made of chaos, I know. But I've lived in chaos, in constant stress and change, for so long that it feels routine. So trying to add to it is hard. I wake up every morning and tell myself "today I will get my workout in", "today, I won't fill myself with sugar". It's strange, because the last time I did this it was the eating healthy that was hardest for me. I didn't mind getting up and pressing play on my workout. I dreaded not having soda or chips or junk. Now, I'm excited to drink water, to have a salad, to not just grab a burger for lunch at work. I dread the workout. The getting out of bed or off the couch and getting myself going.
It feels like adding more to the chaos. And there's already so much. And yeah, I know that when I start - when I really start - it will give my life structure. It will give it a real, solid routine.
I'm a work in progress.
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I have bipolar disorder. That means that routine has to be a part of my life. Has to. Without it, even on medication, I can feel manic or sometimes depressed. I need to go to bed at the same time, get up at the same time, take my meds at the same time. It should include eating good foods and getting regular exercise. But let's be real - that rarely happens.
What really happens is one night I'll go to bed at 8, another at 12. One morning I'll get up at 7, another 830, another noon. I never ate right, rarely exercised, I take a LOT of naps. Like, whenever I can.
I'm working to change that. To add healthy foods, to include exercise into my schedule. The sleep, well that is constantly up in the air with a boyfriend who works opposite my schedule, especially if we want to spend time together. The rest is simple. Well, should be simple.
My routine is chaos. No, that doesn't make sense. You can't have a routine made of chaos, I know. But I've lived in chaos, in constant stress and change, for so long that it feels routine. So trying to add to it is hard. I wake up every morning and tell myself "today I will get my workout in", "today, I won't fill myself with sugar". It's strange, because the last time I did this it was the eating healthy that was hardest for me. I didn't mind getting up and pressing play on my workout. I dreaded not having soda or chips or junk. Now, I'm excited to drink water, to have a salad, to not just grab a burger for lunch at work. I dread the workout. The getting out of bed or off the couch and getting myself going.
It feels like adding more to the chaos. And there's already so much. And yeah, I know that when I start - when I really start - it will give my life structure. It will give it a real, solid routine.
I'm a work in progress.
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